Wednesday, January 30, 2013

I'm Afraid the Answer is No

Today I was asked two questions.  The first was on the telephone.  The second was in person at my office under the stairs.

1.  "I'm not a student at your school, but I need to take OT 1 and NT 1 to graduate in May.  Since you are only offering OT 2 and NT 2 right now, could you create a special class for me?"

2.  "Do you have any coffee in here?"

Had I a harsher wit, I would have responded:

1.  "Sure.  Class starts in five days.  That is plenty of time for you to go through the admissions process and for one of our professors to custom-tailor a class to fit your desperate and apparently unforeseen needs.  In fact, we will offer you this class for free, and I will personally do all of your homework and tests.  Then I'm going to come to your house and do all of your laundry and chew your food for you.  Cheers!"

2.  "Of course we do.  Allow me to whip up the house specialty!  Its made using my computer and stray pieces of carpet.  This won't be a fully functioning Starbucks until ever."

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Getting a Little Meta in Here

So, I just read a blog about what Jesus would think about the Passion Conference.  It was pretty good.  The points were interesting and I think it put to words a few things I had slowly grown uncomfortable with over the last few years concerning our Christian tendency to jump on bandwagons and ride them over cliffs.

I think the best part is a reference to the experience of two pastors at a growing church in California.  They wanted to avoid becoming a "seeker-sensitive" (I'm so tired of this terminology) church so they started to put more emphasis on discipleship.  The thing is, the way they had grown so much was by doing things in a "seeker-sensitive" kind of way.  They were developing a culture in their church by teaching the congregants one thing with their words and another thing with their actions.  This tied into Passion because apparently Louie Giglio said he didn't need the event and the Georgia Dome, but of course this was stated at an event in the Georgia Dome.

To me, this is a worthwhile discussion.  A church can't just say they care about discipleship and then spend all of their time putting on a big show to try to attract as many people as possible and then expect the people to care about discipleship.  In this case actions do speak louder than words.  This could be a revolutionary thought, one of those this-is-so-simple-I-can't-believe-I-didnt-think-of-this-earlier kind of things.  What a great thing to discuss.

Except when I read the comments, people just started whining about how John Piper is a Calvinist and that the real problem with Passion is that they aren't Arminian enough. 

This is the real danger of band-wagon Christianity.  Rather than have a legitimate discussion about the state of the church, it seems many people would rather draw a line in the sand and then throw rocks at everyone on the other side.  Seriously, the original blog had nothing to say about Reformed theology.  Why would someone bring that up?  I'll tell you why.  It is simpler to crank up the contrast on the television so that everything is black and white.  Why discuss the weird development of celebrity pastors when we can just throw mud on someone for being a Calvinist?  Why take a hard look at the content and context of our teaching when we can throw someone under the bus for being Arminian? 

Oy, these Christians drive me crazy. 

Monday, March 5, 2012

More Things People Say About My Beard

1. You look like D'Artagnan.

2. Are you that peanut guy?

3. Hey, Colonel Sanders!

4. Your face looks like that guy on the Pringles box.

5. That is dirty.

6. The Gatekeeper.  From Oz.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Things People Say About My Beard

"What's up V for Vendetta?"

"You look like a Jew."

"Nice 'stache.  You should get a black cowboy hat."

"Is that what they call 'The Conquistador'?"

"That is awesome."


"Where is your monocle?"

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Q of the D

In an effort to increase the sheer number of posts I create, I will henceforth be writing out the best questions I receive as a part-time library worker.  Have I no shame?  No.  I do not.

"It has six DVDs and a CD-ROM in it?  What's a CD-ROM?"

Priceless.  Actually this quote cost me something like twenty hours a week at minimum wage.  That's lame.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Why I love Cici's Pizza

Truly, I wish life was more like a buffet.  Dining in a buffet-style restaurant has many advantages over normal ones.  Let the examination begin.

In a buffet, one has the opportunity to examine their food visually before putting it onto their plate.

"Hmmm, that roast beef appears to have a greenish tint and a wonderful, fuzzy scarf.  I will pass."

Every edible option is placed into an easily maneuverable and well ordered portion of the restaurant which is seperate from the dining area.  All of the choices, in wonderful rows and organized according to either the food's ethnic origin or its status as an appetizer or an entree.  There is no pressure from other diners to quickly make a decision regarding what you will place on your plate (unless you are standing in front of fried pig fat at a Shoney's; on a sidenote, mmm, bacon).  In fact, at a buffet, you may get as many plates as you please.  Would you like a plate full of california rolls and cheese pizza?  Do it.  How about mashed potatoes and chocolate ice cream?  Make it happen.  Plateful of broccoli?  If it floats your boat.  None of this order-your-meal-or-else-because-Big-Brother-is-watching-you business from a waitress who sadistically enjoys both the intense pressure diners face after scanning a menu as well as listing out the daily specials just slow enough so that roughly 35% of the adjectives and nouns are understood.

If life were more like buffets, I'd leave a tip, even though I'm unsure whether or not I'm supposed to tip at a buffet.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011


Well, I have a paper due in eight hours.  I would rather kick a tiger in the nose.